


Generation Blue

by Evoxine



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Blood Kink, Drama & Romance, Drug Use, Gun Kink, Knifeplay, M/M, Rough Sex, Russian Roulette, Wax Play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 19:54:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16750564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evoxine/pseuds/Evoxine
Summary: The only way Sehun's able to survive in school is through the use of illegal substances.Jongin just so happens to supply them.





	Generation Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Please pay attention to the tags. 
> 
> Originally written and posted on LJ in **2015**. Apart from a quick read through to fix typos and stuff, **I did not edit much of the fic**.

There’s a knock on his door and Sehun lowers his hand from the vicinity of his mouth with a curse. He drops the pills back into a nondescript prescription bottle and tucks it away behind a pile of books, double-checking just to make sure it stays hidden. After taking a second to press on his throbbing eyes with the heels of his hands, he stands and heads for the door.

“Yeah, what?”

“Do you think you can help me cram for Statistics tomorrow? I have a really bad grade in the course right now, and –”

“You can’t cram for Statistics,” Sehun mutters, the hand gripping the door frame trembling slightly. “You either understand Statistics or you don’t. There’s nothing I can do for you.”

He shuts the door unceremoniously in front of the person’s face and stumbles back to his desk. It’s been a solid 36 hours without a single dose, and Sehun can feel his head about to explode. His stomach seizes the second he folds himself into his chair, and it’s a mad scramble for the pills and a bottle of water after that.

Three smooth capsules containing everything necessary to formulate Adderall slides down his throat. Water splashes down around them in the empty pit of Sehun’s stomach, and he tries to cap the crumpled bottle in his hands as he struggles to inhale deeply.

He’s got three midterms coming up this week – he needs the juice. Or so he tells himself for the millionth time. When the pain around his stomach eases and he feels his heart rate pick up and settle into that familiar speedy buzz, Sehun forces half a slice of bread into his mouth and swallows it before picking up his pen. That should be enough for the next four hours or so.

 

 

 

  
It's well into the afternoon when Sehun steps out of the exam hall, eyes exceptionally bright as various bits of information float around in his brain. No way in hell did he fail that test, not with all the help he'd gotten. Catching sight of a hot dog cart out of the corner of his eye, he makes a beeline for it – he'll probably be hungry tonight.

The dog's warm in his hands and Sehun's about to embark on his short journey home when his phone buzzes.

_Pay the fuck up._

Sehun sighs and pockets his phone without replying. Right, there's that.

The first thing he does when he gets back to his room is to check how many pills he has left in his stash. Seven — enough for two days, or three if he's willing to push it. Cursing, Sehun looks back towards his door as he shrugs off his jacket. There are a few slips of paper on the floor and he shuffles them up into a pile in his hands.

_Sociological theories: 2hrs, $80_

_Calculus: 2.5hrs, $115_

_History: 1-2hrs, $85_

These will do for the night, Sehun thinks, pinning the rest up on his corkboard. That money will cover a good portion of how much he owes his dealer and he can dredge up the rest from his measly savings account.

Taking a single pill (rather than the content, he'll need it to deal with the idiots he'll be working with), Sehun takes a few minutes to himself and leans back in his chair, eyes fluttering shut.

He waits until the pill kicks in before standing and grabbing a pen. He fights the voice in his head that's currently busy telling him how disappointed his parents would be if they knew what he was doing by reminding it that they never gave a shit about him anyway. That done, Sehun leaves his room and heads to the closest student in dire need of his services.

A knock and the door flings open almost immediately.

"Thank goodness, I'm drowning in —"

"Shut up and tell me what you need. I don't have time for desperation."

Sehun gestures pointedly to the piles of books on the floor of the student's room and raises an eyebrow.

The poor girl promptly shuts up and darts over to her books, knocking over empty cans of energy drinks in the process.

 

 

 

  
Sehun's a little richer — even if it's just momentary — as he leaves the room of a student who's half-dead from exhaustion, but ever grateful. A weary glance at his watch tells him he's got maybe five hours of sleep before he has to get up for class. The pill has worn off a long time ago, and Sehun finds himself wondering if he can eat while sleeping at the same time.

His thoughts skid to a stop when he rounds the corner of a corridor and sees a familiar figure leaning against his doorframe.

"Not tonight," Sehun groans, "I've just spent hours helping people cram, I'm not helping you cram your dick into me. Get lost, Chanyeol."

"Not even if I pay you?"

Sehun pauses for a split second, and Chanyeol breaks into a grin.

 

 

 

  
There’s loud, obnoxious blaring coming from every possible angle and Sehun surges through the fog in his mind in an attempt to open his eyes and smack his alarm clock off his small bedside table. The moment it clatters to the ground, there’s a short, blissful moment of silence before an equally obnoxious snore shatters it.

Groaning, Sehun looks over his shoulder to see Chanyeol drooling all over his pillow. Great, now he has to wash drool stains _and_ blood stains off his sheets. Oh, speaking of blood. Slipping out of bed, Sehun steps up to his mirror and turns in order to examine his back. The gash is a nice, straight, clean cut down the side of his flank, and he should be able to place some bandages over that quite easily. It’s longer than usual, running from the top few ribs down to his pelvic bone, but fairly shallow. At least Chanyeol’s considerate in that aspect, Sehun muses.

Soapy water stings a little, but Sehun emerges from his shower feeling quite refreshed – until he remembers that he’s got to face his dealer today and another midterm tomorrow that he has to study for. A midterm that he will likely fail unless he has the help of the pills. Cursing at his own reflection in the mirror, Sehun slaps on a few bandages and pulls a soft shirt over his head.

Chanyeol’s still sound asleep when Sehun heads back out into his room, and after a second glance at the guy's face, Sehun doesn’t hesitate to pull a few extra bills out of Chanyeol’s wallet. The guy’s rich enough – he can deal with whatever consequence comes his way. Grabbing the rest of his money, Sehun tugs on a pair of jeans and grabs his phone.

_I can pay you today._

_Warehouse. 3 o’ clock._

 

 

 

  
“What the _fuck_ do you mean you’re not going to sell me any more pills?”

“I don’t see what’s difficult to understand; I am not selling you anything else. This is your last payment – _late_ payment – to me, for the last sale I’ve made to you.”

“You can’t do this to me – you know how much I need them. I might not pay you on time but I end up paying you regardless, don’t I?!”

“Do I look like I care about how much you need them? Don’t make me spell this out for you – I know you’re some kinky fucker in bed but I don’t think you’ll like my type of pain.”

“You –”

“Drag him out of here.”

Anger and desperation clog up his lungs as rough hands come to grip at his arms, and Sehun doesn’t notice the intense stare levelled on his face by a pair of dark, dark eyes from the corner of the warehouse. After being tossed rudely into a heap outside the door, he lies on cold, dusty concrete, fingers balled up in shaking fists.

He can’t lose his supply – especially not during midterms. Making up his mind to try and convince his dealer to reinstate their deal, Sehun scrambles up from the ground and dusts himself off. He’s turning around when he hears the door open, and half hoping to see his dealer, Sehun turns around with a plea on his lips.

The plea dissolves into nothing when he sees someone he doesn’t recognise standing in front of him, toned arms crossed in front of a solid chest. He’s got a head of platinum hair that looks oddly soft to the touch.

“Who the fuck are you,” Sehun mutters, “have you been ordered to beat me up? Did that fucker order you to –”

“I can get you your pills,” comes the reply, voice smooth and thick. “If you want. He trusts me; doesn’t question my transactions, especially if they’re just prescription drugs.”

Snorting, Sehun discreetly checks to see if the gash down his back has reopened. His fingers come away blood free, and Sehun fixes the guy with another look.

“What’s in it for you?”

“I guess we’ll see in time.”

Running his bottom lip through his teeth, Sehun scrutinises the guy in front of him for a few extra seconds.

“What’s your name?”

“You can call me Kai. So? You in?” Everything about Kai is too smooth for Sehun’s comfort – the way he talks, stands, and looks are enigmatic, and Sehun’s a little nonplussed. But he needs his pills.

A hand’s extended and Sehun looks down at Kai’s palm.

“Yeah, alright.”

Sehun hands his phone over and Kai types in a number.

“When do you need your next supply by?”

“Preferably in the next couple of days.”

“Text me tomorrow night and we can set up a meeting place. Same price for the same amount. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Sehun watches Kai walk away from him and back towards the warehouse – Kai doesn’t spare him a second glance as he disappears into the building. Eyebrows furrowing, Sehun turns and heads for home – he doesn’t know what he had expected. The better question is, what _should_ he be expecting?

 

 

 

  
The rest of his day is spent between studying for his own midterms and helping others study for theirs. It earns him a little bit of cash but costs him a whole lot of sleep – and a couple of his precious pills. He falls into bed that night ignoring the dried blood on his sheets and Chanyeol’s note on his desk filled with smiley faces and a request for Sehun to text him whenever.

When he wakes up, however, he discovers that the cut on his back’s reopened and bled all over the duvet. So he texts Chanyeol a simple _stop with the shit long cuts or you’re gonna pay to launder my fucking sheets._

Changing the bandages ends up creating even more of a mess, so Sehun gives up and ends up standing in the shower for a long while, letting water wash away the blood. He cleans up his sink and manages to dress his wound without causing further bleeding. Removing the sheets from his mattress and duvet takes a lot longer with a split open back, but he manages to do it without cursing half the country to death.

He’s heading back from the laundry room when he spots a horde of students gathered outside his room. Muttering under his breath about incompetent students who don’t deserve a spot in college, he nudges his way through the small crowd and turns to glare at them.

“The fuck is this?”

“We’re all studying for the Physics midterm tomorrow and there’s this really important concept we need to know but the professor –”

“Never blame the professor,” Sehun interrupts. “Take responsibility for your own stupidity and for partying the night before class, and therefore not being able to take a single goddamn word in.”

Everyone falls silent and Sehun sighs. “Well, _someone_ state the terms. Remember, I go by the number of heads.”

At least he’ll have money to pay Kai tonight.

 

 

 

  
“$300 for 30,” is the first thing Kai says when they come within talking distance. It's late and a little chilly, and Sehun's fingers are cold as they brush against Kai's. The dealer doesn't seem to notice, taking Sehun's money and handing over a small bottle of Adderall.

"Thanks."

Kai's lips quirk. "Just doing my job."

Inclining his head, Sehun turns to head home, but Kai's voice stops him from moving.

"How's your back? Hope it's healing fine — whoever did that should really consider smaller wounds, no? They're easier to manage and don't get in the way as badly."

Sehun blinks, a little taken aback at the intensity of Kai's voice, but when he glances over his shoulder, Kai is nowhere to be seen.

The bottle's presence is hot against his thigh from where Sehun had stuffed it into his jeans pocket, but Sehun pays it no mind when he fumbles for his phone.

_The next time you try knife play I'm charging you extra. Learn how to do it right._

Chanyeol simply texts back a sad smiley. Rolling his eyes at the screen, Sehun slams his door shut behind him and tosses the bottle of pills onto his desk. It lands with all the stability in the world and Sehun frowns at it before swivelling on his heel and disappearing into the cramped bathroom. He needs to shower — he can't risk getting that cut infected.

Kai's right; if it were a smaller cut he could disinfect it and dress it a lot easier. Instead, he has to make do with showering in order to clean the whole thing. He steps under the spray of water and tries not to think about how Kai was so sure of what should be done.

 

 

 

  
Midterms are nearly over but Sehun is still extremely strung out. He's been fluctuating between swallowing small handfuls of pills for a couple of days and going without a single one for another couple. It's wreaking havoc on his brain and he's been less than pleasant, to say the least.

It's two in the morning and he's still buzzing from an earlier dose, unable to sleep or eat. There's one last midterm to get through a few days from now, but Sehun's all set for that. Overly bright eyes land on a pack of wax candles and Sehun feels his fingers twitch. He hasn't used them for a while; the inside of his thighs are awakening and demanding a little attention. It's been over a week, but that damned cut on his side hasn't completely healed yet. Fucking Chanyeol.

Grabbing the candles, Sehun digs around in a drawer for a pack of matches. Striking one, he inhales the distinctive scent of smoke and lets his eyes flutter shut for a moment before lowering the flame and lighting a candle. As the wick burns, Sehun locks his door and shucks off his sweatpants. Boxers join the pants soon after, and Sehun grabs the candle before climbing into bed.

Anticipation is hot in his veins, much like the eager licks of the flame in his hands. The first few drops of wax onto his flesh sting sharply, and the pale, taut skin of his inner thighs redden almost immediately. But the melted wax cools off fast, and Sehun peels chunks off his skin as his heart thrums inside his ribs. Smoothing fingers over tender areas, Sehun moves the candle over to his other thigh — wax drips almost seductively off the candle and he circles his fingers around his half-hard dick, stroking himself in time with each drop of wax.

Ten minutes later and the candle's almost burned through. The last few drops of wax fall on the thin skin of the seam of his thigh, rolling hot and slow down towards the crack of his ass. Sehun comes all over his sheets as the flame dies out; the sensitive head of his dick brushes against a wax-covered area, and he swallows down a groan.

Peeling the last of the wax off, Sehun rolls out of bed and his knees nearly give way as he makes his way to the bathroom. Well, the pills have worn off, Sehun thinks dryly. Maybe he can finally catch a few hours of sleep.

That thought is washed down the drain soon after he gets into the shower — lukewarm water teases tender skin and Sehun spends a little extra time under the shower head, one hand holding his weight against the shower door and the other working furiously between his legs. Come swills down the drain and Sehun takes a few deep breaths, thumb sweeping back and forth over the inside of his thighs. He tries extremely hard not to wonder if Kai knows tidbits about wax play, too.

"Fuck, I need sleep," Sehun mutters, and forces himself out of the shower.

 

 

 

  
"I have a midterm in 20 minutes," Sehun snaps, "I don't have time to help you cram for yours. Buzz off."

The student slinks away, partly abashed and partly pissed off. Sehun doesn't give a shit.

"Your fuse is running a little short today, I see."

Sehun blinks and looks up — there, sitting a few feet away, is Kai.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm a student," Kai replies, amusement evident in his eyes.

" _Here?_ "

An arched brow gives Sehun his answer. He gives Kai another searching look before redirecting his attention to the pile of notes in his lap. Three pills are charged and ready to go in his bloodstream, and Sehun feels absolutely prepared for this test.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Sehun can feel Kai's eyes on the side of his face. But despite how much he wants to, now is not the time to be thinking of supple lips possibly wrapped around the blade of a knife. Now is not the time.

"How's your back?"

_Not_ the time.

"Fine. Almost healed," Sehun mutters.

Kai doesn't reply, and for a moment, Sehun thinks he's lost his interest in him. But —

"My partners never have to deal with slow-healing wounds," Kai continues conversationally. "A week is usually how long it takes for it to heal up enough for another go. Most of them don't have another go, though; apparently, I'm too much for them to handle."

Heat creeps up Sehun's collar and he shuffles his papers together into a haphazard pile.

"I have to go," he says abruptly, rising to his feet. "Midterm."

With an awkward flutter of his notes, Sehun bolts. Behind him, Kai leans back in his seat and grins.

 

 

 

  
His phone chimes obnoxiously and Sehun ignores Chanyeol's third text in five minutes. There's a reason Chanyeol has his own message tone — they're equally annoying. Besides, Sehun doesn't even have to look at the messages to know what Chanyeol wants; and odds are he'll show up at Sehun's door sometime around 8 regardless.

For the first time in a while, there aren't any memos slipped in under Sehun's door, and he hasn't touched his bottle of pills in days. There's food in his stomach now, and he's got hours of somewhat decent sleep under his belt. His skin's a little less pallid and people aren't as terrified of his snark. It's a nice little moment of normalcy — that'll change once the short semester break ends and they're thrown back into textbooks and endless amounts of tests.

The sun's setting, and there's a nice splash of warm colours across the sky. It tempts him, and Sehun figures he could do with a walk and some fresh air. Besides, if he's not home, he won't be around to see an eager (and horny) Chanyeol hovering by his door. He slips earbuds into his ears and stuffs his keys into his pockets before leaving the room. The door, blissfully clear of memos and sticky notes, swings shut behind him.

There are shrill kids and over-excited dogs flooding the playground nearby, and Sehun grimaces before finding a detour. Just behind the horde of humans is a secluded section that kids tend not to venture into – something that’s quite high on Sehun’s list of priorities.

He’s just a few feet away from safety when he hears a familiar voice float over. It’s Kai, but he’s not alone. Pausing in his tracks, Sehun bends and squints through the thicket, taking care not to jostle anything. He makes out Kai’s silhouette easily enough; the dealer has one hand poised by his hip and the other pressed firmly on the second guy’s chest. The other person looks close to shitting his pants.

“I’ve gone easy on you far too many times to count,” Kai hisses, “and if you play me one more time, I’m going to play a full game of Russian Roulette on your pretty little head. And you know me; I’m a sucker for Roulette.”

“I’ll get the money to you, I swear –”

“That’s not _enough!_ ” Kai roars. “I don’t need you to swear; not even on your pathetic life. I need you to pay the fuck up. I’ve been instructed to give you three days, but I’m only going to give you one. One day, or you’ll find a bullet in your brain. Do you understand me?”

“Yes,” comes a hoarse squeak. At that, Sehun turns around and slips away before either of them makes a move to do the same. There’s something hot pulsing rapidly through his veins, and deep down, Sehun knows it’s not fear. He makes a beeline for the dorms and fires off a text to Chanyeol along the way. At least Chanyeol’s never late.

 

 

 

  
It takes Sehun an extra week to finish his last purchase of Adderall, give or take a couple of days. He doesn’t quite know how (or why) he’d manage to thin out his usage, but he has, and the quality of his work hasn’t dropped whatsoever. It’s only when he’s on his last two does he send a message to Kai.

_I can get it to you tomorrow – you okay with that?_

The reply was almost instantaneous, and Sehun stares down at the illuminated screen of his phone in his hands.

_Yeah. Same time/place?_

_Meet me at the campus bar instead. Same time._

Instead of replying, Sehun chooses to toss his phone onto his bed and stretch out the kinks in his neck and back. His engineering textbook lies open on the desk, glossy pages peering up at him almost innocently. Sighing, Sehun flips it shut and lurches off his chair – the momentum carries him to his bed and he rolls up in his duvet, letting the curve of his pillow cradle his skull.

Darkness has just crept up into the city’s skyline when Sehun falls asleep, the lack of it from chronic use of Adderall sneaking up on him without a second’s notice. Sehun takes it in stride, letting wondrous fog into his brain and down his limbs. Someone slips a memo underneath his door, but Sehun doesn’t notice whatsoever. His phone slips into the crack between the mattress and the headboard – Kai’s text still lights up the screen.

When Sehun wakes the next day feeling ridiculously refreshed, he momentarily forgets that he’s supposed to meet Kai later that day. It’s only when Sehun swallows the last couple of pills does he remember. He takes extra time to style up his hair, and tells himself as he shimmies into a pair of skinny jeans that he’s deserving of looking more presentable than usual on a random day. It’s just another day, nothing important about it whatsoever. Besides, he’s got the energy to do so, so why not?

He grabs a bagel on the way to class and manages to get through half before tossing the rest away. Sliding in a corner seat, Sehun flies through two hours on the Cold War, fingers skimming over his keyboard almost as fast as the lecturer speaks. He breezes out of the lecture hall the minute it ends, but someone stops him right before he’s about to head home.

“Could you help me with –”

“50 for an hour,” Sehun replies easily. “Take it or leave it.”

Sehun heads home two hours later with a little more money in his pocket. After riding out the last of his high by playing a game of League – in which he himself does incredibly well but the rest of his team is pure shit –, he nibbles on a granola bar as he peers at himself in the mirror. It’s almost time for him to head out and meet Kai, and for some reason, he finds himself mildly upset over the faint appearance of a zit on his jawline. It’s barely visible, but he hunts for his bottle of concealer just the same.

 

 

 

  
“Did you dress up today?” Is the first thing out of Kai’s mouth. Sehun stares at the pair of dark eyes trained on his face and momentarily wonders if concealer is able to hide flushed cheeks.

“What? I –”

“Someone you wanted to impress? You’re looking good.”

“No, I’m –”

Kai chuckles and waves at the bartender. A bottle of beer slides up to Kai’s outstretched fingers, and he gestures for Sehun to take the seat next to him.

“Ease up; I’m just kidding. Here, have this. It’s on me.”

The cold bottle helps combat the sudden clamminess of his hands, and Sehun clings onto it as he slides onto the barstool.

“30 pills, as per usual.” Kai places a bottle on the bar and takes a swig of his beer. Sehun tries not to stare at that one prominent vein running down the side of Kai’s neck. Sehun passes him the money, which Kai takes with a quirk of his lips.

“You provide a great service to the student body, you know,” Kai comments, pocketing the wad of bills without bothering to count them. “I know several people who swear by your help.”

“It’s good money for me, and they get good grades. A win-win situation,” Sehun replies, shrugging. Popping peanuts into his mouth, Sehun chases them down with a swallow of beer – it’s nice and cold as it slides down his oesophagus and Sehun feels a momentary bout of bliss.

“Maybe one day I’ll have to see how good your… service is,” Kai says, fingers loosening their hold on his now-empty beer bottle.

“You’ll still have to pay full price,” Sehun warns, and Kai laughs.

“I’ll even pay you extra,” comes the reply, full of promise. “But not today – I have business to do. I’ll see you around?”

Kai’s gone before Sehun has a chance to bid him farewell.

 

 

 

  
“Why do you want to adopt a cat?”

Partly because he can’t be bothered to answer the question and partly because he doesn’t _have_ a legitimate answer, Sehun rolls his eyes and shoves Chanyeol into the animal shelter. Chanyeol’s really only here because Sehun needs help carrying all the necessary items home, but he doesn’t know that. Sehun isn’t that heartless to tell him so.

“Do you have a cat up for adoption?”

Fifteen minutes later and Sehun has a sleepy Russian Blue in a carrier, and Chanyeol’s lumbering after him with bags stuffed to the brim with things that the shelter was able to give up. They make a pit stop at a pet store where Sehun picks up several more items that inevitably end up in Chanyeol's arms. 

“Why this cat?” Chanyeol asks, huffing slightly as they walk up a hill.

“It’s dark and mysterious,” Sehun says flatly, and he’s only half-joking. The breed does grow up to be very stunning, with a thick, blue-grey coat that’s wonderfully soft to the touch. They’ve got equally beautiful eyes to match, and Sehun is always a sucker for intense, beautiful things.

“What are you going to name it?”

“Haven’t thought about that yet,” Sehun lies. He knows exactly what he wants to name his cat.

He kicks Chanyeol out of his room the second everything’s placed on the ground, and he spends a good hour and a half cleaning his whole room. His new cat watches curiously from inside the carrier.

After he’s washed out the litter box and spread out new litter in it, he lets the cat out and settles back on his haunches to watch it poke around curiously. It gives its new scratching post an experimental swipe, and Sehun snorts quietly.

Buying a cat may be something incredibly spontaneous, but hey, at least now he’s got one beautiful male in his life. His new cat ignores him as it laps at his water bowl, but Sehun doesn’t mind.

That night, Sehun falls asleep to a ball of fur by his stomach. It purrs deep into the night, and Sehun drifts off to thoughts of how his cat’s new cat bed will likely never be touched.

 

 

 

  
It’s a Friday night, and the cat’s a nice, warm weight on his lap. Sehun’s finishing up as assignment that isn’t due for another week, but any free time he gets is always a blessing, especially when it comes to students knocking on his door at ridiculous hours of the night.

Speaking of knocking – someone raps three times on his door and Sehun glances up from his work, mildly annoyed. The cat does the same, ears perking as the knocks interrupt its fifth self-grooming session of the day. Sehun stands, and the cat lands on all fours easily as it falls out of Sehun’s lap.

“Could you come back another –”

The words grind to a stop on Sehun’s tongue when he sees who it is on the other side of his door.

“Too busy?”

Kai has a backpack slung over his shoulder and for the first time since Sehun’s met him, he looks like the average college student. Except, of course, for the fact that he doesn’t exactly look average.

“Um, no. Not at all. Come in.”

Kai steps into Sehun’s room graciously, a hand on the strap of his bag. He spies the cat almost immediately.

“Cute cat,” he says, crouching down to scratch him behind his ears. “What’s its name?”

“Haven’t named him yet,” Sehun says evasively, closing the door behind him. “Just adopted him recently."

The cat purrs, tail switching around its hind legs as Kai continues the scratching.

“Hm. You could name him after me. I’ll be more than willing to give up my street name for this cute thing.”

“Street name?”

“You didn’t think Kai was my real name, did you? No sane person would deal drugs with his real name.” He turns back towards at the cat and rubs its face. “Right, Kai?”

“Right. Uh, did you need help with something?”

“Yes.” Standing, Kai swings his bag around and unzips it. “I have a major assignment due for Developmental worth 40%, and I can’t afford to bomb it. Any help will be appreciated. Compensation included, of course.”

“Of course,” Sehun answers, reaching out for the textbook and papers that are proffered. He takes them over to his desk and sets them down, but before he can take a seat, there’s a warm hand on his forearm.

“I’m Jongin. Just in case you were wondering.”

_He was._

“I wasn’t.”

 

 

 

  
Kai is comfortably splayed out on Jongin’s lap when Sehun turns around to ask Jongin a question about his assignment. The cat has his gaze trained on his new friend, but Jongin himself is looking right at Sehun.

“Did you combine these two questions or –”

“I lied,” Jongin says instead.

“... About your name?”

“No. About me needing help with that assignment.”

Sehun glances down at all the sheets of paper spread out over his desk.

“So you didn’t need help. What are you doing here, then?”

The pen in Sehun’s grasp has barely fallen onto the table when Jongin’s in his personal space, hands pressing down on the armrests of Sehun’s chair. Kai’s been ruthlessly abandoned on Sehun’s bed, and Sehun thinks he sees betrayal flash across his cat’s eyes.

“I’m here for you.”

Licking his lips, Sehun glances up at Jongin’s face and tries not to notice the lack of space between them. “Me?”

Jongin raises a hand and traces the slope of Sehun’s jaw with the pad of his thumb. The other fingers press against Sehun’s cheek, and Jongin gently pulls Sehun’s face a few inches closer.

“Is that going to be a problem?”

“Depends on where it’s going to go.”

“Well, _that_ depends on how much you’re willing to take.”

Sehun’s eyes glint in response and a smirk spreads across Jongin’s lips.

 

 

 

  
"How good are you with pain?"

The small blade of a Swiss Army knife is snug and flat between Sehun's scapulas. Jongin's assignment has long since been swept off the table, the papers scattered all over the floor by their feet. Kai is nowhere to be seen. Sehun’s knuckles are white from how hard he’s gripping at the edge of his desk – his legs are a couple of feet apart and his leaking cock is hanging heavy between shivering thighs. Jongin’s close behind him, close enough for Sehun to feel the heat radiating from his bare skin. There's a strong hand resting on Sehun’s hip and supple lips are hovering by his ear.

“Quite good, if I can say so myself,” Sehun breathes, head low.

“If we’re going to do this, you can’t see that fuck buddy of yours any longer.”

“Yeah, alright. Do it,” urges Sehun, rocking back on his heels into Jongin’s crotch.

The hand on his hip rises up to press along the curve of Sehun’s shoulder blade, and Jongin rubs his thumb over a spot before slipping his hand back down to Sehun’s hip and plunging the blade of his pocketknife into the heart of the marked circle.

Jongin enters Sehun as the latter throws his head back in vivid, searing pain, screams lodged somewhere in the middle of his throat. Clapping his free hand over Sehun’s mouth, Jongin gives Sehun a few moments to adjust to the sensations flooding his nerves. The body of the pocketknife is still in his grasp, and Jongin follows the trail of blood sliding down the curve of Sehun’s back. It bleeds over where they’re joined, and Jongin groans softly in anticipation.

“Move,” Sehun grits, voice muffled by Jongin’s hand. Following that, he extends his arms so that his back arches just a little more, and his hips angle just a little better. Jongin feels Sehun’s walls tighten around his dick, and he releases his hold on both Sehun’s mouth and the knife. Tracing a faint scar down Sehun’s back, Jongin leans in to suck a dark, red mark just behind Sehun’s ear. Hands positioned over the soft curve of Sehun’s hips, Jongin instructs Sehun to stay still as he pulls out and slams back in.

There’s no finesse, no tenderness, and absolutely nothing pure about it. Blood streaks down the back of Sehun’s thighs onto the hardwood floor and he’s pretty sure some managed to get into his asshole, simply from how hard Jongin’s fucking into him.

“Faster,” Sehun demands, fingers sore from their clenched position around the table’s edge. “I know you want to undo me, tear me apart –”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jongin mutters, smearing crimson across pale, marred skin. “I don’t need you to tell me what I want.”

Shaky laughter leaves Sehun’s lungs and Jongin’s lips curl as he picks up the pace. The laughter stops abruptly when Sehun climaxes, cock twitching all over the table, come landing between his fingers and some missing the surface by millimetres. He whimpers as Jongin drags his tongue across the rope of red cascading down his back, and flat out moans when Jongin releases deep inside him.

Neither move for a heavy moment, and it’s only when the high starts to fade does Sehun re-discover the pain in his shoulder.

“Do you mind getting that out of my shoulder?” Sehun asks, jaw tights with discomfort.

Jongin pulls it out in one swift movement and crudely wipes the blood off with his thumb.

“I’m,” Sehun exhales shakily, “going to take a shower. Feel free to use the bathroom if you need to.”

Sehun’s steps are slightly unstable as he crosses the length of his room, but he seems to be coping fine otherwise. Jongin waits until the door to the bathroom closes before slumping back against a wall and running a hand through his hair. A small movement by the small bookcase alerts him to Kai’s presence, and he sends the cat a wink before snatching a few sheets of paper towels off the desk and cleaning up the mess on the floor. He wouldn’t want the cat to dip his tongue into a mix of blood and come now, would he?

The shower’s still running when Jongin steps into the bathroom. Sehun’s standing in front of the shower head, head bent as he exposes the wound to water. Wisps of red are washed down the drain, and Jongin tries to avert his gaze as he cleans himself up.

“Need me to dress that for you?”

Sehun looks through the fogged glass at him – Jongin raises an eyebrow before ridding himself of his clothes and joining Sehun in the shower.

“You don’t have anywhere to be?”

“Not particularly; unless you don’t want me to be around here.”

They soap up in relative silence, Sehun taking great care to avoid direct contact with the wound. He scrubs any remaining blood stains away before shutting the water off.

“Sure,” Sehun says, stepping out of the shower and grabbing his towel. “You can dress it.”

Jongin steps up behind him, water dripping off his body onto the floor, and pats Sehun's wound dry. “Kit?”

“Below the sink,” Sehun replies, towelling his hair.

Jongin works quietly as Sehun brushes his teeth, and apart from the hisses of pain that escape Sehun’s lips when Jongin disinfects the wound, neither utter a single word. By the time he's patched up, Jongin's skin is already dry.

“Thanks.” Sehun rinses out his mouth and watches as Jongin slides the first aid kit back underneath the sink. Pulling on a fresh pair of boxers, he offers Jongin a pair, half-assuming Jongin will brush him off. But Jongin takes it and repeats the expression of gratitude that Sehun just shrugs in response to.

Kai’s curled up in the middle of the bed when they exit the bathroom, bright eyes trained on their faces. Sehun scrutinises his cat for a moment before heading to fill his food bowl – Jongin settles down onto the bed and strokes Kai’s back absently.

“You should sleep on your front for the next few days – puncture wounds are a little trickier than lacerations, and judging from what I’ve seen on your body, you’ve never experienced a puncture wound before.”

“I haven’t,” Sehun says, standing up from where he was crouched by Kai’s food bowl. “And yeah, I won’t.”

“If it gets infected, send me a text.”

“Yeah.”

Kai leaps off the bed and makes for his food. Sehun gathers up Jongin’s assignment and places everything into a neat pile on the table, away from the mess. He pauses for just the slightest moment before he wads up a few sheets of tissues and wipes away the drying come.

“I’m going to sleep,” Sehun says, somewhat awkwardly. “Feel free to stay or leave or do whatever.”

He climbs into bed and shifts about gingerly in an attempt to find a comfortable spot. Nothing seems to work, and Sehun’s just about to resign himself to a solid week of soreness in his neck when Jongin approaches.

“Scoot over,” he says, and waits until Sehun does as he’s told before sliding under the sheets. “Sleep on me. It’s more comfortable.”

And it is. The steady beat of Jongin’s heart lulls Sehun to sleep in minutes, and the puncture in his shoulder doesn’t bother him for the entire night.

 

 

 

  
Somehow, Jongin becomes a permanent fixture around his room after that. Apart from classes and drug runs, Jongin is always in Sehun’s room, only leaving to grab fresh clothes and anything else he might need from his own.

Sehun’s supply of Adderall is consistently replenished right on time, and he lets Jongin have free access to the money he’s stashed aside for the drug. Jongin only takes what’s needed – he has no need for extra money whatsoever.

The ringtone dedicated to Chanyeol hasn’t gone off in weeks, and Sehun’s only seen him once around campus ever since his first time with Jongin. Chanyeol had seemed to take the dissolvement of their arrangement pretty well, judging from the cheerful wave and smile he’d sent in Sehun’s direction.

Sex with Jongin shifts along a spectrum. There are days where all Jongin wants to do is rock into Sehun with the sheets pulled over their heads, and then there are days where Sehun will lock Kai in the bathroom just to keep him out of harm’s way.

Jongin dresses every wound impeccably well, and he always waits for an existing wound to heal before creating another one. The thrill of moaning Jongin’s name never wanes, and Sehun wonders if this is what it’s like to really be addicted to something.

_Will you die for your addiction?_ Sehun figures that that’s a question worth pondering, as he stares down into the small, but very real, barrel of Jongin’s handgun one day.

“There’s one bullet in here. Six chambers. Do you trust me?”

“To not kill me?”

Jongin simply tilts his head.

“Yeah, I guess I do.”

The finger hovering over the trigger is steady, and Jongin’s chest rises and falls just as steadily.

“You do?”

“I would take a bullet for you,” Sehun clarifies, eyes trained on Jongin’s face instead of on the trigger.

Jongin fires. The hammer clicks. Sehun’s eyes remain open.

“Come here,” Jongin murmurs, lowering the revolver and cupping the base of Sehun’s head when he’s close enough to hold.

Sehun can feel his own heart against his ribs. It’s going at a normal, stable pace.

That changes when Jongin takes out the single bullet and tosses it somewhere into the room. He presses the barrel up against Sehun’s lubed entrance, and Sehun can feel his blood rushing everywhere at once, leaving him light-headed and wanting.

“It’s intoxicating,” Jongin says, pushing the metal in, one inch at a time, “the feeling of death surrounding you but never able to reach you. Exhilarating, really. So much so that I thirst for it sometimes.”

Sehun digs his fingernails into the flesh of Jongin’s shoulder and lifts his hips. The metal is smooth and cold inside him, a delicious contrast to the tongue currently mapping out every plane of his abdomen.

“The best part,” Jongin continues, raising his head, “is knowing that you can never stay away from death forever.”

Just minutes later and Sehun’s coming, his groan guttural, and Jongin pulls the barrel out of him calmly.

 

 

 

  
Sometime during winter – Sehun doesn’t actually know what day it is, a phenomenon that’s happened regularly since the arrival of Jongin in his life –, Sehun receives a text message.

A particular text message.

_Get out of your room, my boss just found out that I’ve been selling to you._

It’s time stamped 28 minutes ago. Sehun’s been too engrossed in a textbook to notice his screen lighting up.

Kai senses them arriving before Sehun does. He paws at the door, and Sehun just manages to yank him away when it slams open. Sehun recognises two of them from that day months and months ago, and they seem to recognise him, too.

“Grab him,” the tallest one mutters, and meaty hands heave Sehun out of his room. Kai, dropped from Sehun’s grasp, lands softly on his feet and stares at the closed door.

It’s only when he’s on his knees in the middle of the warehouse does Sehun comprehend the severity of the situation. Jongin’s standing by his boss’ side, jaw clenched and sporting a shiner. Judging by the stiffness of his body, Sehun guesses that Jongin has got more than one bruise forming on his abdomen by now.

“You know how I feel about my men not following my orders, don’t you?”

Jongin ignores his boss’ question. A nod from his boss and Sehun feels a piercing pain shooting up his left side. Keeling over, he heaves for air as the punk next to him retracts his metal-toed boot.

“I asked you a question,” comes the trademark drawl.

“I do,” Jongin all but spits, and Sehun can see a vein working near Jongin’s temple.

“It seems like you’ve developed some sort of affection for.... this.” A hand is waved vaguely in Sehun’s direction, and Jongin’s nails dig deeper into his palms. They break the skin, and blood pools underneath Jongin’s nails.

“Do whatever you want to me, leave him out of this.”

“ _I’m_ not going to do anything to him – you are.”

At that, Jongin glances sharply at his boss – the man has a grin spread across his face, and Sehun feels bile rising up his throat.

“I liked you, Kai. Quite a bit. And I know how much you like Russian Roulette.” A finger crooks and someone steps up, a revolver in hand. “Wouldn’t you love it if you were able to combine the two things you really liked in life?”

Jongin stares at the revolver, stunned.

“One loaded bullet, five blanks. You can even spin it yourself.”

“What happens if I do this?”

“If you do it, and he doesn’t die, you’re both free to go. If you do it and he dies, you’re still free to go. If you _don’t_ do it, he’ll get a bullet in his head. And so will you.”

The gun seems horribly heavy in his hands, and for the first time in ages, Jongin can taste desperation on his tongue. But when he looks over at Sehun, he doesn’t expect the calm look in his eyes.

Then he remembers.

_I’ll take a bullet for you._

So he wets his lips, spins the chamber, and takes aim. Sehun’s eyes stay open as his finger presses down on the trigger, as the hammer slams down on the firing pin, as the primer explodes.

A shell casing drops by Jongin’s feet, and Sehun breathes.

_I’d take a bullet for you, even if you are the one behind the trigger._

 

 

 

  
_“You would actually take a bullet for me?”_

_“Yes,” Sehun replies, pulling the covers up to his chin sleepily._

_Jongin glances at the revolver on the bedside table._

_“A bullet.”_

_“I’d take a bullet for you, even if you are the one behind the trigger. Now please let me sleep.”_

_“The bullet was a blank, you know. I would never force you to experience pain you don’t want.”_

_Sehun simply smiles and leans in to press a soft kiss on Jongin’s cheek._

_“I know.”_

**Author's Note:**

> This still remains one of my favourite kinky fics that I've written to date.  
> [Click for Links!](https://bluedveins.wixsite.com/evoxine)


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